(outdoor sparkle) While the Old Port lights up to musical accompaniment every Saturday night at 8 p.m. for December’s Telus Fire on Ice fireworks show, the Noël sur l’avenue Mont-Royal brightens up a long stretch of shop-and-restaurant-rich Mont-Royal Avenue, beginning with a joyful, candle-lit parade on December 8, starting at Mont-Royal Metro at 7 p.m. and ending at Parc Lafontaine with choirs singing, music playing and fireworks too! And throughout the month, kids and adults alike can take part in all kinds of activities, including a tree decoration workshop, December 9 at Place Gérald-Godin. And over at the beautiful Montreal Botanical Gardens, the main greenhouse is decked out for the holiday season with lights, new plant life, choir performances on weekend afternoons, and a craft fair December 7-9.

(glimmering gifts) Find professionally handmade and unique gifts at Montreal’s craft and artisanal fairs this weekend. Over 400 Quebec artists and artisans offer clothing, toys, food and much more at Salon des métiers d’art, downtown at Place Bonaventure to December 22 – Santa even drops by every Saturday afternoon. Find more creative gifts at the festive Le Marché Casse Noisette, co-organized by Les Grands Ballets Canadiens, on until December 9 at the Palais des congrès de Montréal. Designers, artists and other creative types set up mini-boutiques at the hip, cool Smart Design Mart, December 7-9 at 5505 Casgrain, in Mile End. Also in the neighbourhood is the Old Skool Crafts Holiday Fair, at L’Église St-Michel (105 St-Viateur W.) – it continues next weekend too, rivalling the new-skool at Puces Pop DIY & Craft Fair. And head east to Haut & Fort Noël Market at Marché St-Jacques (2nd floor, 1125 Ontario East).

(fancy food & drink) December is a time to indulge in social delights and delicious things – both are plentiful at FoodLab this month as the restaurant, located in cutting-edge multimedia centre le SAT, offers a “Grandes tablées” menu of Québécois terroir: December 10-13 try the Terrine De Gibier & Pot-Au-Feu, plus appetizers and desserts, all for $45 a person. Or warm up in nearby Chinatown with a steaming bowl of cheap and cheerful pho soup. Later, get cozy with friends and friendly Montrealers at any one of the city’s neighbourhood brew pubs.

(art & sound) Family friendly activities abound in December, including entertaining, interactive art around the city: downtown at the Quartier des Spectacles, walk through and play with musical installation Iceberg and see several large-scale projections on buildings along Sainte-Catherine and de Maisonneuve, all part of Luminothérapie. It’s also worth the trip to Maison de la Culture Maisonneuve to make your own music inside The Improbable Igloo, an igloo-shaped dome made of speakers by artist Alexis O’Hara, on until December 20. And fans of the band Sigur Ros won’t want to miss a screening of Sigur Ros: Valtari Film Experiment at the Phi Centre on December 9.

(comedy & theatre) Comedian Jeff Dunham’s show on December 9 at the Bell Centre is sure to be funny and strange and puppet-filled, just like Christmas, right? Later in the week, check out the hilarious DeAnne Smith headlining and Al Lafrance hosting “giftalicious” stand-up comedy show Let’s Do This! – it costs a mere $5 or a wrapped present if you want to be a part of a wacky gift exchange – at Mainline Theatre, December 13. Children’s theatre experts Geordie Productions add entertaining new twists to the classic tale of Robin Hood, December 7-16 at the Centaur Theatre. And for more traditional holiday theatre there’s Les Grands Ballets The Nutcracker, December 13-30 at Place des Arts.

(classical tunes) The sounds of Christmas are writ large when The Montreal Symphony Orchestra teams up with the Montreal Bach Festival to present Bach’s Christmas Oratorio performed by internationally renowned Collegium Vocale Gent, December 12-13. On December 8, The Orchestre Métropolitain performs Bruckner’s Symphony No. 6, while on Saturday and Sunday afternoon, Les Choralies Christmas concerts find harmony at Chapelle Notre-Dame-de-Bon-Secours in Old Montreal. Le Choeur Gospel Célébration sings its Noël Divin program of Christmas and holiday-themed music at The Gesù on December 9. And at the Montreal Museum of Fine Arts on December 9, the Cantivo Vocal Ensemble gives a performance free of charge and on December 12, soprano Hélène Guilmette sing cantatas and traditional songs.

(rock n’ roll) Friday night brings much-loved Australian multi-instrumentalist Xavier Rudd to Metropolis and Loreena McKennitt to Place des Arts, while the skyrocketing love for the indie-rock of Half Moon Run peaks at Le National, Alaclair Ensemble adds hip hop to modern art at the MACM, and Keys N Krates’ electro-hip-hop fills the dancefloor at Le Belmont. More dancing is in store with electronic music producer Jacques Greene, Doldrums and more live on Saturday night at the SAT. Sunday, December 9 sees The Faint playing their album Danse Macabre, with Trust opening, at Club Soda. Since Monday is the new Friday, why not make a night of it with NYC’s St. Lucia at Divan Orange on December 10. On Tuesday, Rock and swoon to the electro-orchestral-tinged sound of The Breezes, with Montreal’s CFCF at Sala Rossa.

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Really and truly, the Zoofest pass is one of the best deals in this festival town. While the shows’ ticket prices are quite affordable in the first place, the pass alleviates some of the risk in seeing acts you’ve never heard of – and when you leave the show, stomach muscles cramped from laughing, mind blown, you’ll feel like you hit it big in Vegas or something. The subversive, darkly funny side of Vegas, where stars claw their way up with brute talent and hard work. If we’re lucky, maybe some of them will wear sequins and feathered headdresses (it’s happened before).

Cases in point: the hilarious Paul F. Tompkins;  the awesome Khalil Ashanti’s Basic Training; Montreal favourite and all-around fabulous person DeAnne Smith not only does stand-up but is the writer behind Other People’s Problems, performed by Sarah Quinn; the bizarre-meets-deadpan theatrics of The Pajama Men;  UK comedian Russell Howard; Australian comedian Adam Hills; the very funny guest star on Tim and Eric: Awesome Show and The Sarah Silverman Program, Maria Bamford; Broken Lizard’s The Fat Man and Little Boy Show; SNL writer John Mulaney; SNL and 30 Rock writer Hannibal Buress; NYC’s Eugene Mirman, known for playing the landlord on Flight of the Conchords and for a stint on Aqua Teen Hunger Force and Just Laughs mainstay and star of Who’s Line Is It Anyway?’s Greg Proops, to name just a whole bunch.

That’s the comedy (and that’s just some of the English-language stuff! If you’re a French speaker there’s, like, a whole other hilarious world of entertainment at Zoofest for you!), but, being an odd little festival intent on winning our hearts, Zoofest takes it a step further, with the jazz and blues stylings of New Orleans’ band Meschiya Lake and the ‘Lil Big Horns, the guitar-infused comedy of Nick Thune, the pop-funk of Montreal’s Damien Robitaille, the slight insanity of L.A. rapper Mickey Avalon, the harmonic indie-pop of The Darling Demaes and hip-hop cabaret End of the Weak.

Plus, in association with Zoofest, Local Montreal offers daily off-the-beaten-path tours of Montreal arts and cultural nooks and crannies. Yeah, Zoofest is a little “different,” but we wouldn’t have it any other way.

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THE DETAILS

Zoofest, July 9-31, 2011

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There are several ways to enjoy JFL and almost infinite combinations of ways to get your yuks. Things get pretty hilarious around here from July 5 to July 31. Here are 5 sure bets to split your sides at Just For Laughs:

Free falling: The cheapest, or actually free-est, way is to enjoy the outdoor events that happen on the streets during Just for Laughs. These include something called a Pinkarnaval, that includes a ready-to-wear show involving Jean-Paul Gaultier during the first weekend, then a “street art” themed sub-fest the second weekend, which will include a hip-hop battle and an international Buskerfest, so bring your loose change. Weekend three is the time for something awesome called Abbamania, and the Twins Parade, which we really can’t get enough of.

See Stars: JFL is a magnet for stars. This year’s constellation includes Eddie Izzard, Colin Quinn doing Long Story Short (a one-man stand directed by Jerry Seinfeld), Craig Ferguson, and Russell Peters. For the weirdos among you, there’s Tim Minchin. And the list goes on.

Gala Gorgeousness: Also, Russell Peters selects a lineup of his favourite comedy acts. So does Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson! My late-night crush, my Mr. Wick from the Drew Carey Show. Did you know he’s also a pilot? JFL has also launched a series of “themed” galas, in which a roster of comedians will perform on a chosen topic. As per tradition, galas are hosted by somebody famous who MCs the show and also does bits of monologue interspersed with the other performances. There’s Modern Love: The Relationship Show, hosted by Eric Stonestreet of Modern Family, and The Decline of the American Empire?, a political-themed gala hosted by The Daily Show’s John Oliver.

Club Mentality: This year, the fest’s wildly popular club shows are all under one banner: The One Stop World tour, which includes the Best of Britcom, O’Comics (the fest’s eternally popular Irish comics show) and Late Night Down Under. There’s still an Ethnic Show and a Homegrown Comics show, too.

Get nasty: Unlike Janet Jackson, the only thing I like better than a nasty groove is The Nasty Show. My favourite of all JFL club shows has always been this very dark, very risqué club show, which has introduced me to all my favourite comedians: Louis C.K., Doug Stanhope, Patrice O’Neal, the list goes on. See them here first before they hit the big time, then feel smug that you liked them before everybody else did. Louis C. K., in fact, returns to the festival this year to accept his Person of the Year award. Plus, there’s now a version for the ladies, called Nasty Girls ‘Night Out. And remember, her first name ain’t baby, it’s Janet/Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty.

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Though the Just For Laughs main gala is in the summer, the city is nevertheless brimming with great comedians year round. We like to make sure that there is always something to laugh about here, from mainstream mega-stars to vanguard improv sketch comedy nights. Whatever your taste, the diversity of Montreal’s comedy scene has got you covered.

Comedy Works and its classic dark, brick wall atmosphere is just the place your imagination conjures when you hear the words “comedy club.” There isn’t much separation between the audience and the stage which lends the venue a nice intimacy. Comedy Works features world class comedians all year round, so drop by and see a veteran comic or if you feel like taking a chance, slip in for one of their open mics to see some fresh talent.

Ernie Butler’s Comedy Nest is the stuff of legends. A great place to catch a touring act or see some homegrown, local talent. The Comedy Nest is host to improv, stand-up and everything in between, including a nice dinner and yes, a full bar.

Aside from Montreal’s comedy institutions, the city is also home to a vibrant underground comedy scene. Theatre Saint Catherine is spearheading some great fringe comedy with its renowned improv night. It features a competition where young improv comedians compete for the win and the night is heralded as Montreal’s best weekly comedy show. The atmosphere is fun, young and lively. Stop here if you’re a fan of saying “I saw that guy when…”

If sketch comedy is your thing, then check out Montreal’s very own Sketch Comedy Festival. The fest kicks off in May and if last year is any indication of how things are going to unfold this time around, hold on to your hats because comedians come from all over North America to participate in the hijinks.

But, let’s be serious. The main attraction and the best time to see comedy is the Just For Laughs festival. During the festival, the city explodes with life and it is truly one of the best times to enjoy Montreal- maybe someone will finally ask you to be in a Just For Laughs gag. Even if you think you prefer humourless days, take a chance on one of Montreal many comedy nights.

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THE DETAILS

Comedy Works, 1238 Bishop, (514) 398-9661

Comedy Nest, 2313 St-Catherine West, (514) 932-6378

Theatre St. Catherine, 264 St-Catherine East, (514) 284-3939

Just For Laughs, 2111 St-Laurent, (514) 845-4000

Guest Blogger: Sophie Naima Caird

Photo Credit: Comedy Works- Cedric Sam

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